Breastfeeeding and Settling

Breastfeeding

Make sure you don’t leave the hospital without getting some good advice from the lactation specialist on feeding techniques. It's not as simple as it looks. A mother in the street that just plonks her baby on her boob is probably nursing a five or six month old baby. Her milk has settled, her breasts have settled and her baby is probably not going to do much damage.

You need to know that when the baby attaches for the first time, it's important to get her position right so that her mouth is fully open with the bottom lip curled out and rounded, and that she's sucking the area around the nipple, not the nipple itself. The nipple needs to be quite far back in her mouth so pressure is placed on the surrounding area which draws the milk from deep within the ducts. It stings like a million bee's. When the milk lets down, it's like you are being stung by a ,million little pins, kind of like pins and needles, except much more prickly. This goes on for a long time, every time you feed, but after a few months it settles.

Don't let baby suck all day and all night especially for the first few days. You want to preserve your nipples. Dry them well. She's just getting colostrum anyway and there's no need for her to suckle all day – a few minutes on each side is enough. When your milk comes in, she will want to feel longer, especially if she's a boy! Then she's just gonna want to suck and suck forever. At some point he'll exchange your breast for your food, later for your wallet and finally for a cute blond in the street. Meantime, here's something you should all know.

Settling
It's worth reading Tracy Hogg's book Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. One thing that really stuck with me was this concept of NOT LETTING YOUR BABY FEED TO SLEEP – tempting as it may be. What you want to create is a cycle of feed, play(or nappy change, or bath, or dress for infants who are not awake for very long) and sleep. Babies should learn to sleep without having to feed to sleep. Of course two day old infants are not so interested in your rule book and that's fine, but by week two, you want to get yourself and your baby into a routine where their wiring is set to know that food does not lead to sleep.

Here's another crucial bit of information , and I can't remember where I heard it, but it's GOLD !

THREE YAWNS AND YOU'RE OUT !

Babies get tired very quickly, and most of the time mothers miss it and by the time baby is frantic, they suspect baby is hungry so they feed an exhausted baby who then has trouble digesting and can't get to sleep because of a sore tummy and mother gets frantic and baby is screaming and dad comes in with roses and mum gets out that kitchen knife and cuts off the heads and sticks the thorns in water and no-one lives happily ever after.

Babies, like the humans they are, yawn when they are tired.

1. First yawn - get ready, make sure clothes are clean and dry, and bed is ready.
2. Second yawn – take baby from loving arms of wired relatives and tell them the party is over – if they like they can put on a load of washing for you or go make you a cup of tea.
3. Third yawn – wrap babe tight, take to quiet room with nothing but a white sheet draped over the side of the cot (a stimulation free environment) and put baby down to sleep.

That's it. No fuss. DON'T MISS THE OPPORTUNITY.

Baby will start moving in a jerky way when she starts to get tired, don’t be an airhead and miss it – watch for the yawns. Whatever you do – DON'T FEED NOW.
Most mothers underestimate the amount of time newborn babies stay awake for between feeding and sleeping. It's usually not long. You have about twenty minutes to burp, change bath and dress a baby between the time she's fed and the time she will start to get tired. It's easy to miss.

Motherhood is by far the most difficult job you will ever do in your life. The stress of meeting the demands of another human being on their schedule not yours along with the expectation that you are supposed to know what to do along with the constant changes that take place in your and your baby's and your partners lives lead to one seriously difficult day. By the end of it, be happy if you managed to feed the baby and feed yourself and that's it, that's all you have to do for now.

You DO NOT need to entertain, have friends over, answer the phone, talk to your neighbor, wash the dishes or wash your clothes. you don't even have to wash yourself. You just have to feed yourself and your baby and sleep, that's it.

Women who live in supported communities can stay in bed for up to a month after they've had a baby and everything gets taken care of by their extended families. These women have a lower incidence of Post Natal Depression. They do not wash their hair in that month, and they do not leave the house. They don't cook, clean or shop. They just sleep, eat and feed. Try it. Get your partner to be your secretary and screen your calls. There comes a time in every woman's life when she has to learn to say NO. This is that time.

Leave your message bank on and decide with whom you want to speak and when. Call back. No-one cares, and if they do don't pursue the relationship, sounds like it's an exhausting one and not one a new mother has time for. New mothers are giving so much of their energy out, they can't afford friendships and relationships that demand anything from them, this is the time for friends to give and sometimes giving means leaving you alone, giving you time and space and food.

I remember when my second baby was born, my husband screened all my calls and all my visits. The birth was a home birth and it was pretty traumatic, and ten days later I got the Chicken Pox, so I was pretty sick. He told friends they could only come over if they brought food and that they could only stay for ten minutes. Of course no one stayed for ten minutes, but no-one stayed for hours either and they all brought a meal which was very much appreciated.

It's important for new moms to be able to give themselves time to adjust out of public view. It's hard. Give yourself what you would give your best friend or your sister. Throw your manners out the window and for four weeks of your life just look after yourself, say YES to any offers and NO to any demands.

After four weeks you will have a better understanding of the absolute roller coaster ride you've just embarked on and even though it will continue to freak you out for the next twenty years, at least you's baby will be attaching when she feeds and you'll be dressed and showered before four o'clock in the afternoon. Now you can start having friends over and putting that stroller to good use. Keep in mind though that sleep time is still very short - not really long enough to walk, meet order and drink a coffee, and not long enough to drive, park, get to the department store and try anything on. Buy all the bra's you're going to need in four different sizes for the next eight to twelve months before you have your baby.

I exaggerate, you probably only need them in three sizes.